Its been all over the net, people trying to find reasons the election went the way it did. Red States hate gay people, you can’t defeat a President during a war, he needs to clean up his own mess, terrorism, I’m scared, somebody help me, and many many more.
I still don’t understand. The Daily Show had a good segment the thanked the Red States for saving us from ourselves. The blue states have to deal with terrorism and gays all the time so the fact that we voted for Kerry shows that we don’t know what we are doing and the Red States have a better grasp of the situation being able to view it from afar.
I’m also trying to figure out how these people can have views that are so different from mine but I can’t grasp how you can have any different view. Here are some examples of what I think are similar situations, will be especially helpful because I couldn’t quite word that last sentence correctly:
Leno gets better ratings than Letterman: This has always bothered me. Did people automatically set their TVs to watch Carson and haven’t been able to figure out how to change that? The Tonight Show is not funny, I enjoyed the Late Late Show with Kilborn much more than I’ve ever enjoyed The Tonight Show. When Conan takes over in five years people are going to flip out and not understand what Conan is doing, since he is actually funny. My fear is that NBC will water down Conan for The Tonight Show. Just like Jay, from what I’ve been told he was funny before The Tonight Show. Of course comparing anyone to Letterman in my mind is a losing battle. He is a legend. If I was old enough to have watched his NBC show and see him get passed over for The Tonight Show I probably would never have watched NBC again (I probably would have broken that rule to watch Ed, but that’s it). What was I talking about?
Keeping with 11:30pm comedy … Tough Crowd: This brings in another issue I wanted to complain about. Thursday was the last episode. Most of you probably didn’t know there was a first one. It was a Politically Incorrect-type show hosted by Colin Quinn and it came on after the Daily Show. It was actually on for two years, I started watching at the beginning of the second year. Almost every night it was the funniest show I saw all day, usually more laughs than the Daily Show. The ratings were always low (but to be expected on Comedy Central if you’re not South Park or The Daily Show) and it got a lot of bad reviews. There were a few regulars that were on a few times a week and then other comedians came on. They talked about serious issues (sometimes) and weren’t afraid to say what they were thinking (even if it upset almost everyone). It was fun because everyone knew each other, they all took shots at each other and only in a few occasions did someone get offended. That one was a reach.
Country Music: I don’t get it. My parents listen to it, my sister does, I know lots of people at school here that enjoy it. I don’t get it. Why do I need two channels for country music? Its the same song everytime. It makes my ears hurt. I don’t know why its called country, I wouldn’t have it in my country if I had the choice. I think this may be what divides us from them. I think if we could figure out how to write country music we could reshape their thinking. Think about it, find someone who sounds southern, give him a guitar, have him complain about a few things, and throw in some liberal talking points. Bang, you immediately have a split electorate, they won’t know what to think. Do we believe Toby Keith or the Healthcare Welfare Gays-are-OK Chicks?
As for Revenge:
End Red State Welfare. Its more like Midwest State Welfare, but those are red states so that’s the title its been given from what I’ve been reading. These states would have to learn to be a little more self sufficient, can they handle it? I think we should find out.
Boycott Red State Quarters. Just throw them out (don’t tell anyone I don’t think its legal).
Split the Country Up. I’d like to run for President of the Northeast States (and California) of America. We are going to drag Cali around and stick it somewhere in the Atlantic. We won’t have a lot of open land so we’ll have to import quite a bit but that will be all from Canada. The key to our success: No Oil Required.
The sweetest revenge requires the administration to continue screwing up for four more years (it will be tough to keep up the pace, but I have confidence). The goal is to get the entire country to be in such confusion and despair that they won’t vote Republican. We trot out Obama and Clinton (of the Hilary variety). Come Jan 20, 2009 the red states regain consciousness realize what happened and … wait, I’m having too much fun.